antm

What was on TV? Wed, April 13, 2005

Tyra had never in her life yelled at a girl like this. Plus Alias, House, The Starlet, and a glass closet.

Grace MacLaine

25 Jan 2026 — 6 min read

20 years ago, Mimi was emancipated. Let's see what was on TV.

8:00 America's Next Top Model on UPN

4x07 "The Girl Who Pushes Tyra Over the Edge"

The girls do an acting challenge this week. Their assigned scene is a rip-off of My Fair Lady so blatant it seems legally actionable. This was obviously chosen for Tiffany's benefit. Tiffany was supposed to be the show's very own Eliza Doolittle. She was rejected at her first audition and then came back. She had a tragic backstory. She was easy to like and charming on camera. And her photos were good. It was all there, and Tyra knew it. The show would transform her, teach her the ways of high fashion, and take her from the ghetto to the runway.

There was just one problem: Tiffany wasn't interested in being Tyra's sob story. She was overwhelmed by the world of high fashion. At first, she seemed to enjoy the novelty. But eventually, she realized that she wasn't interested in eating raw food at a restaurant owned by Ashton Kutcher and trying to please a bunch of high-class tastemakers who would never respect her or where she came from. In this episode, she explicitly rejects the idea that the "ghetto" she came from is less valuable than the world of high fashion or Hollywood, that the people there are less intelligent. She looked at the rags-to-riches story Tyra set up for her and decided she preferred the rags. Ironically, Eliza Doolittle comes to the same conclusion in My Fair Lady. After Henry Higgins transforms her into a great lady, she tells him he should have left her as she was, free from the judgment, cruelty, restrictions, and prejudices of higher classes. Tiffany just got there earlier.

In this episode, she gives up. She's done. She phones in every challenge; she phones in the photoshoot. She openly rejects the assimilation demanded by the show. This is most visible in the final challenge, a cold reading from a teleprompter. The challenge seems designed to humiliate the contestants; the script is filled with foreign and difficult words. We're invited to laugh at them all, they don't know how to say French words, they're so stupid. But this kind of knowledge isn't a marker of intelligence; it's a marker of class. The whole thing is in poor taste. And that's before you get into the very real possibility that some of these girls struggle with reading.

Tiffany actually does well in the challenge. She's charming and quick on her feet. But it's obvious that she hates it. And why shouldn't she? It's cruel and terrible. She's eliminated and she doesn't care. She was done with the show anyway. But Tyra couldn't have that. Tiffany's disinterest in the show betrayed the fact that four cycles in, it was obvious that America's Next Top Model wasn't living up to its name. Maybe contestants could book a reality show or some commercial shoots, but the top prize wasn't some golden ticket. And on a deeper level, I think Tiffanys disdain of a world Tyra loved and worked so hard to fit into stung. Hence the meltdown. It makes a great meme. But watch the full episode. It's also one of the richest and most revealing moments in reality TV history.

9:00 Alias on ABC

4x14 "Pandora" (record Revelations on NBC)

This episode gave us another glimpse of Vaughn's violent side, as he went totally apeshit on poor Michael K. Williams (who just doesn't work on this show, a true bummer). It recalled his brutal and disturbing murder of Melissa George. I'm really fascinated by this dark side of Vaughn. They're the most interesting the character has ever been by far. But Michael Vartan isn't really the guy to play those notes. And I also love Sydney and want her to have a normal and chill boyfriend. So maybe leave this character note on the cutting room floor. And bring back Dixon! His relationship with Sydney is so rich, and Carl Lumbly honestly has better chemistry with Jennifer Garner.

Later The Starlet (recored)

Episode 6 (finale)

The Starlet was not a success. It never came back for a second season. Its contestants' combined acting credits could fit on two hands (or maybe even one...). And it's not like real actors can't emerge from reality television! In 2004, Yaya Dacosta and Matt Lanter both appeared in silly modeling reality shows and both have gone on to very successful acting careers. But I enjoyed The Starlet, and I like to imagine a world in which it continued for another season on the WB and then several more on the CW. Here are some prospective seasons and episodes I would have watched:

Contestants compete for a role on Gossip Girl. In one crucial challenge, they must pick out an outfit and take turns holding court on the steps of the Met, Blair Waldorf style, while the other contestants hang on their every word.
Contestants compete for a role on The Vampire Diaries. They have to play a scene where they bite each other. Stage combat experts, makeup artists, and whatever we called intimacy coordinators in the 2000s all assist.
Contestants compete for a role on Hart of Dixie. This would be an all-hunky men season. Very Finding Mr. Christmas. We reprise the challenge where everyone has to do a bi-curious kiss.
Contestants compete for a role in the Arrowverse. They must fight a CGI monster. But in real life, they're fighting the dumbest looking puppet on earth. There are lots of Vancouver jokes.
Contestants compete for a role on Legends of Tomorrow. They must pair up, draw obscure superheroes out of a hat, do some research, design costumes on the fly, and play a scene.
Contestants compete for a role on Riverdale. This would be over a decade into the show's run, so we would be well into its camp era. Perfect. Imagine twentysomethings treating Riverdale dialogue like Shakespeare and Faye Dunaway or an actress of similar calibre critiquing them like they're at Julliard.

What Else Was On

NBC premiered the miniseries Revelations, inspired by the book from the Bible and other popular things like the Left Behind movies and The Da Vinci Code. The whole thing was very over-the-top and silly, and it starred Bill Pullman and Natasha McElhone. I highly recommend the opening montage of news footage proving that it's the end of days. It fit the vibe in 2005, and it really fits the vibe today.
Revelations was preceded by a Dateline special on The Da Vinci Code. Now that's what I call smart scheduling.
Fox premiered the sitcom Stacked, in which Pamela Anderson works at a bookstore with Christopher Lloyd and a bunch of thirsty nerds.
Nadia Turner, my favorite prospective American Idol this season, got voted off. Nadia was great, her song choices were daring and smart, she had real pipes and stage presence, her outfits were always on point, and her afro was awesome and very off-trend in the time of peak weave.

Late Night

To watch TV in the 2000s is to hear a lot of gay jokes. And you always know that gay people were listening to these jokes. But in tonight's Late Night monologue, Conan makes a gay joke and then jokes that Anderson Cooper is listening backstage. So you are very much reminded that gay people were always listening to these jokes.

The interview with Cooper is great too, a glorious example of the glass closet. Here are the gayest things about this interview:

When discussing his mother's new book about her exciting sex life, he seems genuinely envious that she got to hook up with Marlon Brando and "fly with Howard Hughes."
Lamenting how boring his own sex life is in comparison: "I don't know, I kissed somebody" (emphasis mine).
He recounts how his mother described one partner as the "Nijinsky of cunnilingus." His comfort with this description betrays a lack of familiarity with the act in question. (Conan, meanwhile, looks like he wants to die, "Can we go to commercial?").
The entire concept of taking the attention off of your personal life by discussing your mother's sex life in detail.
His hilariously clinical description of the busty and leggy ladies on his favorite Univision news program, Primer Impacto.
His description and impression of the "astrological forecaster" on said Univision show, who he compares to Liberace (he even brought a clip!)
When discussing My Super Sweet 16 with Conan (also a fan), he interjects to clarify that there was one token episode about a boy (Conan: "It's more fun with the girls.").

Anyway, a great interview. Cooper more than outshined first guest Jimmy Fallon.